29.5.07

The Artful Dodgers

Maverick:The Artful Dodgers
by Farzana Versey

The Asian Age, Op-ed, May 29, 2007

The Hindutvavadis were right when they spoke about how the paintings of the Shivlinga, Goddess Durga and Jesus Christ by a student from MS University, Vadodara, would promote religious enmity and hurt religious sentiments "with nefarious intentions like creating riots." Somebody did later decide there has to be communal parity, so Prophet Mohammed became the next target.

My target is the artist community. What made them gather together and make those sounds of, "We strongly condemn attempts on the part of communal political outfits to unnecessarily politicise issues connected with artistic expression"?

Will someone please tell us that when artists themselves portray political issues, in what position are they to hide behind the skirts of artistic expression? Would they speak up for Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh, the Dera Sacha Sauda chief, who was accused of "sacrilegious imitation of Guru Gobind Singh"? On what grounds does imitation of clothes and speech qualify as sacrilege? If we are told that we must follow in the footsteps of those who found God or were enlightened, then why does someone fashioning His persona after one such saint become an issue?

Does anyone have the answer?

Artists happily wear the garb of noble commitment when it suits them. They may paint a downtrodden people and their buyer will be someone who is perhaps an exploiter.

Regarding the Vadodara controversy, an art historian said, "Surely government and people have better things to do?"

When the government tax department raided 25 art establishments in New Delhi and Mumbai, there was collective anger, although art is like any commercial enterprise today and must be open to such scrutiny.

If these people want to ask questions like, "What do the cops know about art?", then could someone ask them what does that Mumbai businessman, Guru Swarup Srivastava, who paid Rs 100 crores for 100 M.F. Husain paintings, know? What do tyre manufacturers and other assorted such characters know? It is market frenzy. And because you cannot frame your mutual fund portfolio, you find something prettier.

Most of these sanctimonious types tend to sound irritatingly paranoid. "The sense of fear is palpable," said a filmmaker. "This is not just an attack on art. If they go on at this rate, they will also ban Mahatma Gandhi’s image, because he too doesn’t wear enough clothes."

Puerile logic. Have you heard of the VHP going to various temples and covering up the frescoes there? They care diddly squat for the Mahatma, but it sounds so artistically right to bring in that name. Opportunists! Said another artist, "Such actions will only prove detrimental for India’s cultural future."

Says who? A bunch of people who attend art camps organised by some fat cat in a beach house when they are not gracing every little art opening where champagne and whatever thingies go with it have become mandatory? People who do nothing for a living or for life have suddenly acquired a designation: "Art connoisseur." Their outings are covered on Page 3, and their clothes are commented on.

I love observing such trivial pursuits, so I know that one such aficionado looks like a tribal woman, another’s T-shirts are the talk of the town, someone’s beard goes through a change and another one carries an attitude.

A couple of novice artists had exhibited a work rather blatantly titled, "T*ts, Cl*ts & Elephant D*ck." One would have thought the freedom of expression wallahs would wah-wah the effort. No. They thought it was in bad taste. These same guys, some getting out of their sick beds, stood to protest as part of the Free Chandramohan Committee. Why?

Do they know whether this bloke will become a good artist and a good tax-paying citizen? Have they wondered about his motivation to paint what he did?

Have you noticed that the big names are becoming passé because the new breed of art lovers is into promoting raw talent? Guys who would otherwise be shaking a leg in the nights and walking their dogs in the morning take time off between power lunches and high tea to sponsor some fellow who they are convinced will play their game.

After a while these people form a coterie. They may or may not call it affordable art, but the paraphernalia is the same as at any event, for the patron cannot be seen as a lowlife promoting lowlife. The glitzy mosaic galleries where the crisp clatter of stilettos mingles with the jaded whispers of laboured praise and "sold" tags capture more attention than the paintings themselves become the venue for this baptism baying for blood money.

On a pavement outside Jehangir Art Gallery in Mumbai, there has been street art that has quietly been going on. I once bought an affordable painting and still recall the utter naiveté of the artist from Kolkata who gave me a discount. K.M. Shenoy — a true pioneer for having started this movement — did not like it. He did not want the artists to short-sell. In fact, he used to photocopy his drawings and have several prints. His logic was impeccable. "No one asks the writer to publish only one copy of a book."

How one aches for such honesty where art does not become a mere facilitator for social chatter and the sari does not have "an old Warli depiction." For heaven’s sake, stop making a mockery of what those poor people do on their huts by carrying your fake concern on expensive silk.

28.5.07

The therapist!

A person I have got to know recently said something about how therapeutic it was talking with me.

My reaction was strange. I snapped at her. Had I become a mere receptacle? A sewage dump? Were my ears open to secrets that made me feel the burden of guilt only because I was the person on the fringes?

Was I over-reacting? Is that why I stay away from most people? Why can I not accept that what is being shared with me is not the other person's stories, but trust? Why can I not understand that I am being bestowed with love? Why can I not understand that in fact by being a 'therapist', I am in fact finding new ways to look at the world and myself?

Why can I not understand that I too am dependent on others for acceptance, cognisance, motivation? How can I smile if there is nothing to smile at or for or with?


“Thoda sa muskura ke, nigaahein milaiye
Mujhko meri hayaat ka maqsad bataaiye.”



When George Bush and I became the same

It happened last year. It was amusing. This writer had been corresponding with me and since he was leaving on a holiday with his wife, he decided to make a printout of a page of my blog where a particular piece on my city was. This is what transpired as recollected by him:

When we landed at the airport and passed through the immigration, I was stopped and the lady at the counter asked me a long list of unnecessary questions. Her poor English and in spite of my knowledge of Punjabi, Urdu, Persian and English, not knowing any Spanish was not any help. She asked me to open up my bag and started looking through my books and papers. Rather than focusing on Mao tse tung’s biography or collection of Urdu poems, for some mysterious reason she zoomed into your Blog. She found your picture and asked, “Who is she?”

“Farzana Versey.”

“What is your relationship with her?”

“We are internet friends?”

“What does that mean?”

“We write letters to each other.”

“Why do you have her picture?”

My friend could only smile weakly. For, he had not even bothered to look at the picture. He wrote further, “She took your picture and showed it to other women and had some passionate dialogue in Spanish. I was amazed that even your picture stirred up raw emotions.”

Okay. Now here comes the fun part. The picture in the blog is so small. Did I fit into the terrorist profile? In the next note he asked rather innocently, “Who is Dubya?” Aha, so this was it. Check it out. My friend must be really naïve and to imagine that I looked like George Bush in drag!

When I asked him about it, he said, “Below it was written posted by FV, so I thought…and I had never seen you.”

Ah well, when they returned from their holiday his wife managed to show him that I wasn’t quite as interesting as Dubya.

27.5.07

Soles and souls

I examined the underbelly of my shoe. There was soft tissue coming out of the heel. How did I not notice it four hours ago when I had left home? I used to wear this pair regularly – they were comfy and I could walk without any problems.

Perhaps, they got too comfy. They made me complacent. I slipped my feet into them with the familiarity of meeting an old friend. Not once did I think I would be let down. Not once did I imagine I would have to throw them away…I could not possibly keep only one.

It hurts. It hurts to throw anything away. Even if you have no use for it. Or it has no use for you. Besides, I do not believe everything in life is about relevance; it is about resonance.

- - -

A song I love:


rahate the kabhi jinake dil mein
hum jaan se bhi pyaaron ki tarah
baithe hain unhi ke kuuche mein
hum aaj gunahagaaron ki tarah


daavaa tha jinhen hamdardi ka
khud aake na puuchhaa haal kabhi
mehfil mein bulaayaa hai hum pe
hansane ko sitamagaaron ki tarah


barason se sulagate tan man par
ashkon ke to chheente de na sake
tapate hue dil ke zakhmon par
barase bhi to angaaron ki tarah


sau rup dhare jeene ke liye
baithe hain hazaaron zehar piye
thokar na lagaana ham khud hain
girati hui deewaaron ki tarah


rahate the kabhi jinake dil mein...


(Lyrics: Majrooh Sultanpuri; Film: Mamta)

On writing...

"It is possible that when one’s own personal life is screwed up, then one becomes frustrated and seeks more attention?"

How is one to respond to this?

Surprisingly, I feel no anger anymore. I do feel pity for such people, though. I pity them because if they are indeed extremely content with their lives, they would not feel the need to comment on others' lives; if they got attention in their lives, they would not wonder about the attention someone else gets; if they were not frustrated, then they would be able to handle another point of view without resorting to abuses.

I do not for a moment regret being open about my "screwed up life". But this is one aspect, one small area...which I share here.

To imagine that this carries over to opining on political and social issues is ridiculous, to say the least; perhaps some people who respond may do so. An article does not happen 'just like that'. Whatever I have written has arisen from questions that persist in my mind and answers that I seek.

Yes, I am angry, frustrated and perhaps even screwed up...which is why I continue on this journey of seeking.

And, no, I have no worries about my credibility. Isn't that the reason I do not try to influence others to think along my lines, or to co-opt them, or to get into this huddle to point fingers?

26.5.07

Ring of fear?

I wear all kinds of rings. A while ago at a professional meeting, someone looked at the huge one on my middle finger and asked, "What is this?"

"A ring," I said.

"It is terribly eye-catching? What is it?"


I named the gemstone and said, "I wear these as protection."

"Protection from?"


"Myself."

So, yes, I am not brave as I appear. I have never even tried to appear brave...people just assume I am. I don't know if there is a blanket definition. In fact, I am unashamedly vulnerable. And as afraid of a few things as any of you...

But your demons will not disappear because of my fears, just as your pain cannot be lessened by mine. In fact, if you feel a bond with me then your pain and mine may well be the same...

25.5.07

A different yesterday

That was yesterday. We are different everyday, I am told. So different that the souls we have touched are now numb or echo with the shallow salvo of a “Yeah, sort of…but you know we are different people.”

Yes?

Different people do not reach the core. Different people do not sing the same songs. Different people do not melt like wax beneath your flame. Different people do not touch raw nerves and ripen under each other’s gaze.

Why am I rewarded with a different people scenario? What do you, you and you fear? Me or yourself? Why do you ask, “What do you want?” when it is you who want and give? Do your bare hands ache for that touch and then when you find the lines of destiny criss-crossed with carelessly-spread cadavers you run towards reality? Reality can never be denied but having opened it for scrutiny, you are reminded of its pervasiveness even more, you have bared it and are afraid that someone will look in and see and want to do that reality check…

I have faced many such situations and people deny me most when they have exposed themselves. Reminds me of that meeting of long ago…and what I had written:

She already hated me. Pooja Devi’s eyes were like those of an animal that has been shot dead. Their blankness resonated with a just-killed ferocity. Her kurta hung on her like a sheath; there was a string of large beads around her neck that fell limply over what once must have been breasts. There was a challenge in her voice, and I could imagine her covering the distance of the table that separated us to slap me. She had a reason. I was making her regurgitate forgotten memories.

Birthing

Birthing

I feel like I am carrying you
Inside me
Curled in my fluid
The deeper you knock
Soft squishy sounds
Send spasms through me
A pleasurable ache
Overwhelms even tears
As you tear into my hungry flesh
And burst through the veins
You are not my child
But let me give you birth
For you have built your home
In my hearth

~FV, May 24, 2007

24.5.07

Making up...

I like it when people talk about make-up and brushes. A face is a blank canvas. I am no good with it, but I love it when I see someone work on theirs.

Whenever I have done up my face, I have gone and washed it. I have felt quite happy after that, for the faint blush left by the pressure makes me feel naked, as though I have just stripped off my clothes, not because I want to show what I am like but to feel released from their constraining hold on me.

I line my eyes with kohl the night before I want to wear it. I like the smudged look, the look that says I have lived with it and dreamed away the night with it.

I dab a flesh-coloured lipstick over a darker shade I ever pick up the gumption to wear…and then I get scared. It is too much colour. I take the one that will mask it with only me knowing what lies beneath. A little secret sealed.

I don’t use anything else. I cover my face with moisturiser. It feels like skin over my skin.

I let it overtake me and become a part of me…the surrender is complete.

A very short conversation - 12

“I was thinking about you this morning,” said a fairly new acquaintance.

“Ok.”

“I have been thinking everyday but more so yesterday.”

“Oh…”

“I was at the shamshaan ghat (cremation ground) and I thought about you.”

“Ashes,” I said, hoping the smile in my voice was conveyed.

23.5.07

Closed openings: Ten poems

Just wrote these half an hour ago. My mood is swinging madly between elation and despair.

Closed Openings: Ten poems

I built a bridge
Across
A dry river bed

~~

I want
Today
For no one has introduced me to Tomorrow

~~

I saved the voice
Sounds
In my head are now not my own

~~

I gave myself
Away
Am now left with more of me

~~

Did I really throw an
Arrow
Or did you only want to tell me about your shield?

~~

If we have
Connected
Then show me the chains

~~

I scratched the
Surface
And found dead skin

~~

They stay just long
Enough
To say it was long enough

~~

The day I learn to
Fly
I will look for someone with an air gun

~~

Walk away if you
Wish
Your feet will never forget my soil

~FV

22.5.07

Dark light

The black square box stared mutely. Was it being complacent or challenging or teasing? This was the place where a picture can be uploaded on messenger. Mine was a black square. No trace of me anywhere.

Or was that me? In the stark blackness one can get lost or create invisible patterns and identities. If someone were to ask
, “Where are you?” I’d say, “Look closely, I am somewhere in there.”

We anyway go by what we call an image, a perception culled from outside sources. I can only quote the lines of a wonderful song:

“Dil ki awaaz bhi sun
Mere fasaane pe na ja
Meri nazroun ki taraf dekh
Zamaane pe na ja”

“But I can’t see your eyes,” you might well say. “It is so dark in that black box.”

It is, as it was that night when I took this picture. I just focussed and clicked. A light stared back at me.

Nothing is ever too dark that it cannot be seen.

21.5.07

Learning from ignorance

Why are people so afraid to display their ignorance? Isn't that the first step towards knowledge? And, yet, why do they find the ignorance of others reason enough to elevate themselves?

A while ago on a website there was an incident where one writer was asked about The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. He is supposed to have responded with a "Yes, I like that song". There was much smirking around.

How many outside of the ambit of literature would know about this Eliot poem, or that it was a poem? Besides, just to test it, I got 311,000 search results in 0.33 seconds for Eliot+Prufrock. So, what is the big deal?

The person concerned could have just done that and flaunted his 'knowledge'. Instead, he naively said what came to his mind.

There are several things we do not know. At least I am clueless about the financial market. Why, I am not even sure about the calculator, so I start counting on my fingers to confirm!

If a subject interests me, then I will go out of my way to find out. If not, I wallow in the bliss of ignorance.

A few years ago I was working on an article on the late industrialist Dhirubhai Ambani. This was pre-internet days in India. I was meeting a politician who knew a lot about the stock market. He gave me details. They made no sense. I picked up a paper napkin, spread it on the table (this was an unofficial meeting) and asked him to draw out the graph etc.

I still remember the look on his face -- shock followed by a smile. And then he said, "Do you know I have cub reporters who come here, but never bother to ask and understand?"

Had I not, I would not have lost much for it was not a technical piece, but it was imperative for me to have this background info to build up the case.

On another occasion I was interviewing this businessman from a prominent family. He had become the outsider in his environment, and my story was about his personal destruction. The first ten minutes he kept talking about the business, share-holding and other blah without a pause. Then he asked me, "You understand?"

"No," I said. "In fact, Mr. X, I have not followed a word...and you do know why I am here. I mentioned it on the phone..."

He nodded. The reason I had let him talk was because he was desperate to show he still mattered, that he knew his way around. It was one of my most difficult interviews because he was so honest, so open. I did wonder why he was telling me all he did...

I wrote it out; it was sent to print.

Two days later I got a call from his office asking if I could withhold the article. It was just too late.

When it was published I called him up. I did express regret that I could not recall the pages. To my surprise, he said, "Oh, I have read it. It is fine…I was not too sure how I would come across..."


How vulnerable he seemed then...and yes, I did feel good for letting my feelings rule and write not as an inquisitor but a compassionate listener. I was not there to expose his personal warts. He was exposing himself to a stranger who he would never meet again.


Talking about the demons in his head, and life, was therapy for him. In turn I felt connected to a life far removed from mine.

20.5.07

The power of talcum powder

What does remembrance mean?

It might seem strange but I remember talcum powder. As a child there seemed to be a lot of it around…I recall the one Nanima used (Yardley’s), Ammi preferred the fragrance of sandalwood and I like lavender and Jasmine…sometimes families leave you with such needs. Talc was one of them.

I carry one wherever I go and then I buy more in the cities I am in. My bathroom floor is full of white on white…sometimes I almost slip and my feet begin to smell as though I have stepped on a bed of flowers…for those brief minutes I begin to feel like life is as fragrant and simple.

These days, due to the extreme heat, I use one of those cool talcs and it really seems like ice cubes trailing down the body. This is my morning routine and my night routine…what is beautiful is to see a bit of the white flake, like a touch of snow, lodged like a long-time lover in the desert-coloured flesh, somewhere between the softest parts of oneself. I scrape it off and find that it refuses to leave the insides of my finger-nails.

Go away, I want to say…I need a shower, I need a fresh splash of talc. I flick it off, pushing one nail into the other. It goes. Does it? Not really. It is a continuum…the same talc, the same fragrance, the same feeling of appearing to touch my skin but in fact seeping into my pores.

Yaad mein teri...

I love this song for its simplicity…and honesty…whenever I sing it, and I did today, I get moist-eyed and emotional and then I laugh, crack funny jokes even as the voice cracks in a parched throat…

yaad me.n terI jaag-jaag ke ham
raat bhar karavaTe.n badalate hai.n
har gha.Dii dil me.n terI ulfat ke
dhiime dhiime chiraaG jalate hai.n


jabase tUne nigaah pherii hai
din hai suunaa to raat a.ndherii hai
chaa.Nd bhI ab najar nahii.n AtA
ab sitaare bhI kam nikalate hai.n
yaad me.n terI jaag-jaag ke ham ...


lut gayii vo bahaar kI mahafil
chhuT gayii hamase pyaar kI ma.nzil
zi.ndagii kI udaas rAho.n me.n
terI yaado.n ke sAth chalate hai.n
yaad me.n terI jaag-jaag ke ham ...


tujhako paakar hame.n bahaar milii
tujhase chhuTakar magar ye baat khulii
baaGabaan hii chaman ke phuulo.n ko
apane pairo.n se khud masalate hai.n
yaad me.n terI jaag-jaag ke ham ...


kyA kahe.n tujhase kyuu.n huii duurii
ham samajhate hai.n apanii majabuurii
tujhako maaluum kyA ke tere liye
dil ke gam aa.Nsuo.n me.n Dhalate hai.n
yaad me.n terI jaag-jaag ke ham ...


(Shakeel Badayuni
Naushad, 'Mere Mehboob')

18.5.07

Who Wants Peace, Baybeh?

This was published on Feb 27, 2003; it was dedicated to "those who, even after a year, have yet to learn from Godhra and Gujarat and hatred". Today, I reproduce it here for Karachi and what is happening there. Places change, but some things remain the same.

Who Wants Peace, Baybeh?
Farzana Versey
February 27, 2003

Don’t talk about peace, baybeh.
It ain’t no good to walk the mile
With a dove that looks like
It’s carrying an unborn child.
Swollen wombs must be ripped open
For only then can you have a reason
To release feathered birds
In a sky
As empty as a curfew street.
Where are the clouds, baybeh?
Bring down the rains
Let it pour like honey.
The cloying sweetness
Will enter my pores
Welcome squirts in little holes
Hovels of our souls.
Skin and rain
Will then be the same.

Madame X sniffed the air.
She was here to kill
In a leopard print dress
That made her look a little less
Alluring than a beast.
She whispered to me,
Dahling, I collect antiques,
I am here to pick up some history.
I wonder what is for sale…
I showed her the scarred wall
That went up in flames.
Little babies got burnt in the fire.
Aw, pity-pitee, she drawled.
But that’s just a year old story
And are children history?
I agreed they were not.
She was smarter than I thought.

Would she care to come with me outside
And see a weathered face in the sunlight?
I showed her Tai, who’s been sitting for years
In that one place
Watching well-shod feet
Hoping the shoes might give way.
Many storms have lashed against her skin
The deeper indentations are within.
Would she do, I asked my guest…
Not quite, she said.
If you had noticed inside
There was a picture displayed
In sepia tones
Of a woman just like that.

We returned to the sanctity
Of soft musical ripples
Manicured hands conducting a symphony
Of subtle sniffles.
This is real history,
Said Madame X…
A projector whirred.
The wall shook with stills
From an old war film.
The images naked:
Bullets
Blood
Bodies
And then:
Hollow eyes
Dry eyes
Vacant eyes
Hopeless eyes
Blind eyes
Blinded eyes.
This is history, I was told
When you cannot see.

As I was leaving
X came up to me and said,
Do you think you are the only one who feels?
Scratch your skin and you will find me.
You can do nothing
Neither can I.
But I buy history
And pay for someone’s tomorrow.
What do you to do?

I said I stocked up on mascara
So when I cry
My lashes can write
History on my cheeks.
My painted lips will speak history
Behind closed doors
Where you have eyes only
For recreated sights.
Watch the wars and the wounds
They will be the past soon
Then you can come with me
And enter the marketplace
And buy and sell
What you saw yesterday --
Trishuls and trinkets
Even a model of a burning train.

I have coloured my dove red.
Now when you shoot at it and the blood congeals
I will not know it is dead.
Who wants peace, baybeh?
Let me breathe the fetid air
And bottle it for posterity.

17.5.07

Trivial pursuit - 2 (Tongues & Elbows)

“99 per cent of the people in this world cannot lick their elbow”

You guessed right. I tried. Of course, the question is: why would anyone want to do that? Are elbows desirable? Or is it about stretching the limits of one’s tongue to make it reach out far?

Are 99 per cent of us losers? Or does the one per cent that succeed qualify as achievers?

I am curious about them. How were they discovered? Were they caught during the act, or is this a sample test conducted? If so, what prompts such surveys?

I truly like trivia. I like tongues even more, and I think mine has let me down. I don’t speak with a forked tongue, but it does have acid on it; the sharp tangy flavour burns me before it can hit out at anything. I love tongue-in-cheek humour; I am sometimes tongue-tied, but am often told, “Zabaan kainchi ki tarah chalana zaroori hai?” (Do you need to use the tongue like a pair of scissors?) And then there is the “Main bhi moonh mein zabaan rakhta hoon”…Since Ghalib said it, it might seem audacious to make similar claims. But it is true…and one may be prompted to ask the maker of tongues and other parts, as the great poet himself did, “Ya Illahi yeh maajra kya hai?

What about elbows? I don’t care much for those. Most people who suffer from tennis elbow have never played tennis in their lives. I can say with confidence I have never elbowed my way in anywhere…okay, I once poked someone in the stomach in the local train when I was in college.

This brings us back to how we cannot lick our elbows. If any of you are part of the rarefied one per cent do let me know. I have a few queries:

Does your tongue feel the urge or do you push it? Which elbow do you do first? Or is it only one that you can handle? How long does it take to get there? Can it last long? Does the elbow moan with happiness or does it stay unmoved? Does a wet elbow have greater value? Do you wipe it clean? Does your tongue taste the same after all this?

Am I being too intrusive? Will you tell me, “Zabaan ko lagaam do?”

How can I rein in my tongue when it gallops so beautifully on the rain-drenched earth of my palate?

16.5.07

Searching...

People have reacted in different ways to the Sufi piece. Let me talk about dargahs.

A few months ago I was going through a very low phase. There was a dargah where as a child I used to go as a mere accompaniment. This time, with great subtlety, Ammi asked if I would like to go along with her, to refresh those memories.

This dargah is in the middle of some crowded street in central Mumbai. I lit the agarbattis and sat on the chess-board tiled floor and shut my eyes. It must have been long, for she tapped me on the shoulder.

“Praying?” she asked, a look of surprise on her face.

“No.”

“Crying?”

I blinked and picked up a rose lying nearby. I touched it to my lashes and felt like I had just embellished a wilting flower with a dew drop.

"khuda aise ehsaas ka naam hai
rahe saamne par dikhaai na de"


15.5.07

The Sufi Sell-out

Maverick:The Sufi Sell-out
by Farzana Versey
The Asian Age, Op-ed, May 15, 2007

“Are you a Sufi?” he had asked.

“You can say that,” I replied rather shamelessly. Since I was not in the flush of youth I could not claim to be a Marxist, so Sufism seemed like a safe bet.

“I see you are not a typical Muslim,” was the response.

Sufism, which is thought to be an offshoot of Islam, is being used to temper the jihadi face of the religion. This is most offensive. Has anyone asked Hindus to follow the Brahmo Samaj or the Bhakti movements only because some red-haired Vanzara guy likes encounters of the thud kind?

Today, being a Sufi is like being a hippie. You can get away with anything. It has become a convenient cop-out for those who don’t want to identify with any religion. What does a statement like “I do not believe in organised religion” mean? Religion is about a belief system and there is nothing like unorganised religion, though all are often disorganised.

Then there are those who say they are ‘cultural Muslims’. This essentially means they greet you with an ‘adaab’, cook sevaiyaan, speak Bollywood Urdu, enjoy a drink and the occasional ‘Sufi mujra’ and say things like, “Islam needs to change with the times.”

Their favourite calling card is Jalalludin Rumi, the Sufi poet. And any singer who sounds like s/he is gargling claims to believe in Sufism – there is bhangra Sufi, Sufi pop. The Sufi rocks. It is important to dress the part – unkempt clothes, hair dishevelled and lust in the eyes. This, we will be told, is lust for union with god.

Hindi cinema that is always quick on the uptake has a surfeit of “Allah ke bande” and “Ya Ali” stuff doing the rounds. The videos stick to the spiritual quest by showing flying objects and outstretched hands.

Now I hear that even Bahadurshah Zafar is being called a Sufi because he went to temples wearing a tilak and sacred thread. Please! Sufism is not about sight-seeing trips to various god-houses. There is a lot of self-righteous noise being made because our government is not interested in bringing his remains back to the country.

There is no reason to go on about his pining for the soil of his birth; he is not here and to wake up after all these years is obviously a new liberal ploy. Amaresh Misra wrote recently, “If brought to India, Zafar’s remains would be turned into a memorial which millions of ordinary Hindus and Muslims would visit as a pilgrimage site…there will be a surge of emotions powerful enough to wash away enmities. Zafar’s mazaar would heal the Hindu-Muslim divide. For the RSS this indeed is a nightmare situation.”

What a shallow reason. Or merely a way to hit back at the saffron brigade? Hollow symbolic gestures are unimportant, especially if they have lost all validity. We do not need one more mazaar that is politically-motivated.

Sufi tombs are big-time money spinners, anyway. I finally made it to Ajmer from Jaipur. It had taken me years to reach the Khwaja’s sanctum. I had begun to believe in this ‘bulaava nahin aaya’ thing. I had spoken with an elderly friend who is deep into spiritualism. He said, “Baba will try to see you do not reach there. It is to test you. You have to take it as a challenge.”

The idea that a ‘pir’ who I had not said anything against and who I was not planning to ask anything from would want to test me was a dampener. Sometimes it is best for an idea to remain just that. Stepping out of the air-conditioned comfort of the car, having replenished myself with bottled water and organic biscuits, I was thrust into the gullies where every cute young boy claimed to be a Sufi. This looked like a peek into a heaven where god has promised one the best houris and ghilmans. I see this as the true spirit of Islam – no sham of renunciation, rather an acceptance of the good things that we forgo on earth due to morality.

At the dargah, if you are not a head of state or Katrina Kaif showing her legs, they assault you. It is a package deal where you are not left alone; a guide takes you around and decides where you stand, where you throw the flowers – yes, throw – and how long you pray. A few petals fell on the floor and I was reprimanded for insulting the blessings that were showered on me by a man with grease on his palms.

London se aaye hai?” he asked.

“No.”

America?”

“How is it important?”

“I can recognise people from all over the world. You give what you want, I do not ask. I am a Sufi.”

“Me too,” I declared with aplomb.

I immensely enjoy this ‘looking for the self’ vanity. And god is certainly not in the retail.

Everytime I pass the Haji Ali dargah in Mumbai, right in the middle of the vast expanse of water, I do cast a glance in the direction. I feel embarrassed sometimes, for although the white structure stands beautifully, I know it is the sea that I find beguiling, a sea that has listened to many more of my cries and answered many more of my whys.

“Kyon hifaazat hum aur ki dhoondhen
har nafas jab ki hai Khuda hafiz
chaahe rukhsat ho raah-e-ishq mein aql
ai ‘Zafar’ jaane do Khuda hafiz”.

14.5.07

W O R D S

I am hearing noises in my head. What would I do without them?

Callous. Indifferent. Uncaring. Dismissive. I get to hear them…

Words. Unexpected words by people one least expected them from.


“People?”
I can hear that being spewed out and thrown at me.

“People? So an individual becomes people? A person becomes a part of the crowd?”

I guess I do not know how to use the right words, after all...I felt a smile, a thought, a cry from the heart were enough.
But I understand.

At least words can be looked up in the dictionary. They can be deconstructed. How can we find the meanings of smiles, tears, thoughts, if they mean anything at all?

13.5.07

Mamta

When you cross a certain age, a mother-daughter relationship becomes much like the one in the picture. Two people looking out at life, both having lived it enough to be able to share the had-beens more than the what-could-bes!

As I open the cupboard I see a green skirt. It has an interesting genesis. A couple of weeks ago she was wearing this chikan-work kurta, a beautiful henna green. I loved it and said so. We cannot share clothes because we are built differently.

A day later, folded on my bed was what I thought was the kurta. I unfurled it and found to my amazement that she had cut the top portion at the yoke, inserted an elastic band and transformed it into a skirt I could wear.

I held it close to my face before slipping it on. Several detergent washes may have taken away the scent of a mother, but every stitch on it reminds me that we are connected by a thread that is beautiful and strong at the same time.

Image in the mirror

Singing...I sang one of my favourites, "Aap ke haseen rukh pe aaj naya noor hai". Made it clear it was for myself! Someone said, "Why don't you take a mirror and sing?"

Okay, it was too late, but this is what the pen spewed out:

Aks

Mumkin tha ki hum bhi
Aaina tod dete
Apne aks ki bewafai se
Moonh mod lete
Magar jab dhoop-bhari deewar par
Apne saaye ko dekha
Tab laga jaise aaine ko koi dhoka hua nahin
Hum khud ko hi theek se pehchante nahin


~FV

12.5.07

Hollow ache?

The strip of capsules shone. I touched it wondering what colour awaited me; I knew the shape…I had tried to feel it through the foil. It was cylindrical. As my finger prised it open, I felt a jab. There was blood, just a drop of it. Who would have imagined that one can get hurt while looking for a cure? I stood my finger below the tap and let the water hit it. To lessen any pain just cause it more pain, then you forget the reason.

Usually I like to look at the location. It is like a sight-seeing trip for me. But the cut was not deep. It was shallow…I am discovering words like shallow, hollow; they seem anachronistic in my scheme of things, but my scheme is not the world’s view. So the cut was shallow, and it helps if you pronounce it wrong and emphasise on the last syllable. Then it can get really low.

Now I don’t know how much you are aware about surface wounds. They are deceptive; you can barely see what they look like. I often ignore them and let them heal on their own. Today, I applied an ointment and put a Band-Aid over it. Not because of the pain but because I do not wish to be reminded that anything that appeared to look so harmless could hurt.

I looked at the strip of the medicine again. A small bit of blood was at the edge of the silver foil. Inanimate objects have the grace to acknowledge when they have hurt you…who knows, it must have also felt that jab?

Views...

This is the view from the window where I was until yesterday for the last leg of my trip.












And this is what it looks like outside my window with the scaffold
ing still there...I returned home to a home being in a state of repair...

10.5.07

Nazrana

There are so many things we get and need to thank for! See for yourself...
Nazrana
Kaisa nazrana hai yeh
Jo bin maange pesh kiya gaya
Aur milne ke baad chheen liya gaya
Aasman bhi tau itni inaayat karta hai
Kaale baadalon ko dikhakar
Baarish tau barsaata hai
Humein tau chilman mila
Chhup jaane ke liye
Nazar na aaye hum
Aisa nazrana mila
Chalo iss se bhi qubool kar lete hai
Kaheen ehsaan faramoshi ka ilzaam na lag jaaye.
~FV

8.5.07

Still Life

I wrote this poem on May 4, 2007. Why? I don't know. Do you?

Still Life

Smoke rings
Throat stings
Hands clasped like chains
Switch off the mains
You'll get a shock
The current mocks
I have just found
The shaky ground
Feet dangle mid-air
That thread you see is only a strand of hair
It cannot sew, it cannot tie
It cannot even lie
The truth is stuck to the scalp
Have you ever seen a follicle map?
It won't show you how my mind works
How stealthily emotions lurk
No one notices as they walk in
There is too much of a din
Life is crowded by many desires
Where's the time to look at a pyre?
It burns waiting for death
The bare bones of breath
Smoke rings curl
Lungs unfurl
The throat longs
For the last song.

1.5.07

Who nose?

My nose-pin got washed away. In our house we were taught to say things like, "Balaa talee" (a bad omen has gone). I cannot say such things. I get sentimentally attached to anything attached to me. It served my nose well. I have other nose pins, rings...but I crave for the one that got washed away.

As always, I pine for that which can be easily replaced and which in fact played a minor role in my life...but then it is minor players that embellish me and give a reason to preen and scream.

They give me a choice, they give me a voice.

The Diaspora of Jon and Jhumpa

Maverick: In Which Jon and Jhumpa Give It To Those Ones?
by Farzana Versey
The Asian Age, Op-ed, May 1, 2007

Exile sounds sexy. Babubhai Katara wouldn’t know what the heck it is. Although he is involved in ‘human trafficking’, which means that he offloads our people to other shores, no one in the West cares about him. Can you imagine Jhumpa Lahiri saying about one of his ‘goods’, “I think that for immigrants, the challenges of exile, the loneliness, constant sense of alienation, knowledge of and longing for a lost world, are more explicit and distressing than for their children”?

For her even the likes of Anand Jon are a no-no. Jon might well have been just another FOB (fresh off the boat) immigrant. He did the unthinkable. He did not wallow in diaspora depression. Instead, he did what a small-town man in India does when he gets to the big city – lets it all hang out until someone notices.

He is not being merely held culpable for a crime – rape and lewd behaviour for which the courts have charged him – but for a sin in the rehashed morality that is overtaking America. Being surrounded by nubile girls and flashing what they now call his feeble credentials is not unusual. Paris Hilton, his client and friend, is certainly no babe-in-the-woods. Why are the accusations suddenly rushing out in spurts?

Yes, he was given the celebrity treatment in India. The boy from Kerala had made it. It wasn’t Kerala, though, that laid out the red carpet; it was the metro matrons. Today, they pretend they did not know anything about him.

Are my sympathies with the debauched guys? Not really. But that’s how the business seems to work in the entertainment industry. What about Charlie Chaplin’s obsession with young girls? Or Hugh Heffner? If Jon did indeed indulge in the acts he is being accused of, then were the girls little angels?

Were all those screeching “Sanjaya” fans merely interested in his singing abilities on American Idol? Just suppose he had won and gone around town with some of these teenagers, wasn’t there a likelihood of someone accusing him? And what about the American gay critic who went completely berserk in his fascination for the contestant, saying that he had a thing for pretty boys with big mouths? Why was the United States silent over this sexual innuendo directed at a youngster?

Sanjaya was their trump card until a trigger-happy South Korean took away their prime-time toy-boy. He could well be Gogol from The Namesake, striding two worlds, the one of the Bengali father and the other of the American Dream that gave him birth. Papa Malakar could drop those exiled tears any minute – trained classical singer trying to make it in phoren land and getting into roots mode.

The First World thrives on this. They love to watch angst-ridden sagas. Please note that all our diaspora writers and film-makers play the Western stereotype making full use of their origins. Most expats create their Gujarat and Punjab and Kerala and Jhumri Talaiyya wherever they go, and they formulate their political opinions sitting in these regional hovels. Is it any wonder that most of them have an immensely narrow vision?

These are the legitimised deserters who come home to a Pravasi Diwas. Does anyone bother to question them about the Katara-type immigrants who don’t quite make it? Does anyone ask them to prove their loyalty to the country of their birth even as they give their best to another land? When Dhiren Barot became the first person in Britain to be convicted for a terrorist conspiracy by a London court, the British Indian community was at pains to point out that Barot, a Muslim now, could not be described as Al Qaeda's “first Hindu operative” because he converted to Islam when he was an adult of 23. Yet, these same people will happily lap up Kiran Desai’s reminiscences about Gurkhas in Darjeeling who she saw when she was a child of five.

She can sell displacement easily. As she said: “I have an Indian passport and given what the political climate has been in the United States, I feel more and more Indian.”

With a Booker in her pocket not many of them will contest that, although they keep crying out loud about how the US is utopia and it is fair enough to keep your feet in two places. Even though Balti cuisine was started by a Bangladeshi, exiled Indians shrewdly claimed it as theirs because we were Britain’s largest colony.

Anand Jon, besides a few karma-print clothes, did not try hard enough to market his desi-ness. He shamelessly aped the Sunset Boulevard vaudeville. Keeping his alleged crime aside for now, he was at least upfront about his intentions. He did not expect his country of origin to be proud of him, while the pickle and papad blokes who convert these edibles into a huge business expect us to be grateful to them for making us into a household name.

Globalisation has to include people of all countries, not only those who have made their nests in the so-called developed world. It is good to see Indians doing well overseas in whatever field it be, but they are expatriates, NRIs, PIOs; they are most certainly not representative of India.

When they get moist-eyed about ‘home’, they should just go watch a Bollywood movie. These days we have many catering to their version of the country where the Vande Mataram soundtrack beats the hell out of the Manhattan skyline.

#