28.6.08

My Possessions: Mera Khazaana

Mera Khazaana

Mujhe tumse kuchch bhi na chahiye*
Mere khazaane mein bohat kuchch hai

Jholi mein hawaaein
Lipat rahi jism ko paakeezgi se
Usey kya chahiye
Sirf thodasa aanchal apni hi thandi saanson se bachne ke liye

Giraa hua aansoon phir
Nazroun mein bas jaata hai
Usey kya chahiye
Sirf aankhon ki veerani mein kuchch ras bharna

Jaam toot jaata hai
Behti hui sharaab ki boondein farsh ko behlati hai
Usey kya chahiye
Sirf kisiko nasha dena, lamhoun ke liye zamaane ko bhool jaana

Laboun se muskurahat nikal gayee hai
Jo khoya hai woh paaya hai
Usey kya chahiye
Sirf kisike laboun par apna aks dekhna

Mere khazaane mein bohat kuchch hai
Eik-eik cheez nikaal kar rakh doon tau zameen aasman ko chhoo legi

Mujhe tumse kuchch bhi na chahiye

Ho sakey tau kabhi meri zameen par qadam rakhna
Aur mere aasmaan ko apna chhat samajhna

~FV

- - -


* This one line is from a well-known Hindi film song from the film Kanhaiya sung by Mukesh

27.6.08

Snapshots from a drive

The traffic was snailing ahead. The road divider was wet, the bright yellow and black looking like cabs waiting for passengers. Almost all the planters meant to ‘decorate’ it lay flat, heavy with mud, the leaves dead, stems curled. Among them were cigarette butts, scrunched-up paper, plastic toffee wrappers.

I looked up. A film star wearing a one-shoulder dress in soft pink was showing off her skin. Lux soap was magical.

Bheema, the symbol of power, was holding up a weapon. Mahabharata will be on our TV screens soon.

A cellphone company was telling children to get Rs 10 worth talk time free; they were dressed in school uniforms.

A small shop had two faux antique chairs facing the road. It was cheap wood with curvy legs and arched backs. And they stood there looking at the onlookers. Who was the buyer?

The paanwallah was applying choona in swift movements with a scalpel-like thing over a beetle-nut leaf. Another customer was stuffing his mouth and almost immediately let out a spray of red spit, some of it at the edge of his lips, trailing down the chin.

Children were playing in what is now a reclaimed part of the sea. I find this whole reclamation thing disturbing and fascinating. Suddenly water is filled up. Water that is supposed to flow into forever can now be walked on. The sea is now shortened; there is sand and stones and kids are running barefoot. A lone boat is standing in a corner. Is it anchored or a remnant or a useless piece of nothing?

A raddi shop comes into view. The owner is squatting and the string of his pyjama is hanging down. I catch his eye. He yawns but keeps looking. Old magazines are stacked high, almost as high as the ceiling. How old are they? If people buy them, what do they look for? There are a few on what looks like a clothesline. Beguiling women in trendy clothes. Anachronistically, there is a jerry can hanging from the same line. It obviously does not have petrol or kerosene in it. But the thought does strike me that if it were to tilt and had it been full and had someone lit a matchstick, then it would destroy Man’s World. I smile to myself. The owner thinks I am smiling at him, so he smiles back, stifling another yawn.

The planters are still lying flat. What did I think? The rains have fallen in equal measure along the length. I am about to give up and suddenly I see stretches of grass between those dividers. Light green giving way to dark…even the dirt and filth thrown in it seem to mesh.

That’s the beauty. To plant something you have to water each and make sure they are embedded; grass grows from the soil and stretches far, as far as you will let it. You can place a hose pipe and it will all turn wet and get nourished.

I reach home feeling good. About grass and about the bigger picture and about things that can go on…yes, you can stamp on it but crushed grass does not look as crushed as a crushed plant.

- - -
Gulon mein rang bharey - Mehdi Hassan

A very short conversation - 22

“Do you have the book A Journey Interrupted?”

“One minute…"...then, "listen, we have Johny Interrupted?" asks the phone guy to the salesman.

“Johny kya? Not here.”

“Madam, not there.”

A friend tells me Johny Interrupted would seem more like the kind of book I’d write…

The call to the bookstore was made because an acquaintance from overseas wanted a copy and she was at the other end of the city. She asked me to call one more bookshop. I told her it was too late, I’d try next day.

“Do you have XYZ?”

The shop had just opened, the main staff had not yet arrived.

Dekhta hai (I will see),” says the fellow.

Haan, eik copy hai ab. (There is one copy with me now)”

Yeh fiction hai? (Is it fiction?)” I decided to have some fun.

Nahin baba…(No.)”

Tau travel hai? (Then is it travel?)”

Journey bolega tau travel ich hoyega na? (If it says journey, it must mean travel only, will it not?)”

- - -

PS: I have not visited a single bookshop yet, so have no idea how the copies are displayed. I am kinda shy!

25.6.08

Nails

My nails are peeling. Do nails peel? I did not know. Till I saw mine. They are the thumb nails. I saw something hanging loose…I thought it was the varnish and pulled it off. I realised I was getting closer to the skin. The pink was pinker. There is more skin that is shedding.

I have begun enjoying to poke it to see how much more of it is there, how much more tolerance, how much more before I reach the core and the pink, instead of blushing, starts to turn crimson with grief and pain.

Meanwhile, I must do what people do – eat, read and think about the next step that will take me down the hill. Down the hill is not downhill. It is a slope; it takes you to the plains. I am tired of heights, however dizzying they are.

Climbing down is more frightening. I have forgotten about fear.

I want the grass under my foot.

I will cover my nails with the soil and watch a pink bud grow again.

What are they reading???

I have added a separate blog for the book. The reviews are now trickling in…

Just as I perceive things in my way, others do so too. No quarrels with that. But one review had me wondering when the reader is told portions of the book are “along the lines of what Indians have come to expect from the ‘gee-whiz-they’re-just-like-us’”. Or that I have trotted out “Pakistani prostitutes and whisky-quaffing army men, high society bashes, gay designers, liberals-turned-jehadis, and the mandatory heart-warming scene at a Sufi shrine”.

This is not an opinion, it is a falsehood. I am at pains most times to point out the difference (which incidentally one perceptive reader criticised me for). There is no single prostitute, the way you understand her; no whiskey quaffing army men at all…sure the others are there, but they are not trotted out – they are a part of that culture and there are detailed interviews with such people. The scene at the Sufi shrine…ah, I haven’t talked about something life-altering. It is about someone no one would even notice.

At one point there is a reference to the ‘drama’…nothing about the intervening aspect of the indepth interview with Sheema and the other rebels.

And to think my friend in Australia wrote saying, “But you know what you have to do now don't you to make a mint? The fictional account with lots of sex and blood and beautiful people :-)”

I replied: “And what made you think there isn't any sex, blood and beautiful people in my humble offering?!Don't miss out what is between the lines...”

24.6.08

It was today, wasn't it?

It was today that I met him. He was a reader who wrote about catharsis and me. Nothing fawning. I went to his office…did not wish to meet outside.

He came out to the reception to meet me. He had studied in the US and loved America. He said so; then he pointed at the watch as an afterthought and was amazed at how punctual I was. “Oh, yes, we are very British!” I said, in what I hoped was a parodic response. He smiled. Coffee was ordered. The coffee I was to taste for many years. Brought in by a gentle office employee who had been there for decades and done the same thing.

He asked me that he would order passes for the film at the USIS. It was for John Singleton’s Boyz in the Hood. I told him I would go myself. Oh, it will be the same, he said. Since I had to commute to the other end of the city, he suggested we could meet for a quick lunch. Fine. Soups and salad. I insisted on paying. He said, next time. Saw the film. He said, let us talk about it. We went to a lounge; it was bright and sunny on a monsoon day. He sat across. Silence. Then he asked, “So, what do you think?”

“The movie…”

“No. What do you think of me?”

“Huh? I mean you are a serious sort, you like reading…”

We sipped tea. I said it was time for me to take off, it would take me long. He said he would accompany me. I said, no, thanks, I’ll manage. He said he was anyway going halfway, I could get off there and then hop into a cab. That sounded reasonable.

“Music?” he asked. I nodded. Something went boom…bang…it was loud even when he lowered the volume. Did he listen to this?

“I love pop.”

He knew precious little about ghazals or old Hindi film songs. When K invited us for a music soirée I sang Aap ki nazron ne samjha mainly because it does not have too many difficult notes and I knew the words.

K’s wife had recorded it and gave us the cassette. On the way back he played it. I told him the background – music composer, film etc. “Oh, you sing better than Lata Mangeshkar!”

He probably had heard little of Lata M. I knew it was not a compliment; it was that he liked what he heard.

Slowly, in the months to come, his deck started playing Jagjit Singh and Mohammed Rafi and Asha Bhosle.

I told him it was fine, his kind of music…and some were indeed lovely. After all, I did listen to Pink Floyd, Abba, Boney M, Carpenters, Frank Sinatra…we used to dance when my cousin brought a whole bunch of ‘disco music’.

One day he played “Oceans apart, day after day…” and I was struck and hummed along.

Months later, we were on the terrace, my family and he…we all sang – qawwalis, garbas, and old numbers from old Hindi films. Then I started with “Sajjan laagee tori agan man ma…

My uncle asked him to sing. I thought he would hesitate. I knew he would sound like Ajay Devgan in Hum Dil de Chuke Sanam.

He sang the song that he knew best.


Sometimes when we touch- Rod Stewart


It was a starlit sky. We had just got married the day before; this was my mother’s reception, a small warm get-together, no frills

After all these years I remember the song today. Because all those years ago we had met. I got a husband and lost a reader, I would joke. I lost a lot in the course of the years…I lost a husband and got back the reader!

Back to the future?

A friend and I were driving out one late evening. Another city, another country. She was eager to talk; she was separating from her husband. It was obvious she was putting on a brave face.

“Looking back, what role did you play?”

“I was his rebellion.”

She looked at me as though something hit her. It was the same with her.

“When did you know things would not work out?” she asked.

“Early. My marriage was designed for adultery.”

“I like it,” she said.

“What?”

“The phrase, the way you put it.”

“I am serious,” I said.

“Then what? Did you?”

“Neither of us strayed.”

“How come?”

“We were just too lazy.”

Today is a day when the sky is showering us with rains in fits and starts. Just as life does.

As for loss…

kuchh paakar khona hai, kuchh khokar paana hai
jeevan ka matalab to, aana aur jaana hai

(From the film Shor)

22.6.08

Shred dreams

Shred dreams


Can you tear my dreams?

Enter my sleep

Swim in the whites of my eyes

Hover over the iris

Caress its brown skin

Speckled with the embers of sunbeam

Then penetrate the pupil

Do it quietly

Sharp

Like a needle

Smooth

Like a strand of silken hair

When you are inside

You will find the dream

Prismic passions

Entangled in snaky arms

Thick

Hissing out darts

Through sticky tongues

Aim straight

Do not wait

My dreams are in a hurry to find a home

They get anchored in boats on stormy seas

They make love to the waves

That rise with full force

And then fall limply into the waters

Liquid dreams

Don’t wait for them to get there

Tear them while you are inside

And they are still firm

The colour of fern

A green so deep

You can sink your teeth

While they break into shades

That will get lighter by the day

Soon shreds will give birth

To specks of earth

Brush them beneath

That dust will be the magic carpet

To fly me

Away from my needs

Tear my dreams

Let me sleep

~FV

I got mail

When I wrote about Gorkhaland, I was aware that I did not belong and my views would be different. Therefore, to get immediate reactions is important. Here are two ways of seeing:

Dear Farzana.... I read your article in counterpunch.com..... "Will Gorkhaland Be A Reality?"... being a Gorkhali myself and coming from Darjeeling, I cannot express how much your article means to all of us. Thank you so much for writing unbiased and objectively....

Especially your last paragraph was so fitting that it brought tears to my eyes... "However, for a mountain people they ought to know that echoes resound only in your own valley."...... Our troubles and frustrations... only we can see and feel... for others... we don't even exist....


My reply:

It is letters such as these that make writing about issues such as these seem worth the space we deign to occupy. When an insider can relate to how an outsider has 'sensed' her/his anguish it makes one's life, even if momentarily and captured in stark print, seem not quite so useless.

The criticism that comes with the territory seems like so much noise then.

Thank you and hope the voices do carry where it matters.

Another perspective:
Now I understand why you are NOT AN iNDIAN IN PAKISTAN RAHTER YOU REALLY ARE A PAKISTANI IN iNDIA.
YOUW WISHFUL THINKING OF WEAKENEING iNDIA THROUGH SEPERATISM WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
DREAM ON YOU TRAITOR .(NO NOT ALL MUSLIMS ARE TRAITOR -BUT YOU ARE AS ARE MANY HINDUS AND SiKHS INCLUDING THE PRESENT PRIME MINSTER manmohan singh THE MOST TREAHCEROUS OF ALL)>
My reply:
You got to be kidding if I’d reply to this.

19.6.08

The fall of the mask

The other day there was a loud sound. As usual, I did not know where it came from. I went back to writing.

Later when I walked into the bathroom I saw a face staring at me from the floor, a face with a smile, a grin really, painted in lurid colours, kohl-eyes, the black curving upwards to the brow, lips orange and green patches on the skin.

It was a Kathakali mask I had bought several years ago. Like most things it had no sentimental value except for the fact that it was with me. Togetherness has that quality. It has been placed in several areas of the house…then I put it on the bathroom wall, together with a flat Malaysian puppet.

As it lay on the floor I realised that it wasn’t the nail or the string that had come loose. It had been stuck on a thin piece of wood. The glue gave way, perhaps due to being exposed to the occasional steam. It was a strange sight. The wood still on the wall and this face on the floor. There were a few shavings of the papier mache sprinkled around.

I picked up the mask; the paint was peeling. It still kept smiling…the large eyes outlined with black. Should I fix it again? I checked the wood…it was pulpy. It would not last. I had to save the face from further ignominy. I threw it away.

Some will think that this is discarding; for me it meant giving it a decent burial…something that is dead. I did not kill it. It died. Its time was up. It shall always be mine…mine from its journey where it was created, embellished. I gave it space; I looked at it often. I imagined it return the look.

Perhaps I was fooling myself. Inanimate objects do not have emotions or sensory perception. They appear out of nowhere and to nowhere they return. The wood that holds them, that is their backbone, gives way and they fall, spreading pieces.

I picked them up gently and crushed them in my palms, as though I were playing with soil and planting something.

I am not looking to place anything on that wall. I realise my wall has carried the burden of too many things, and it should not fall.

Why do I encounter situations where I have to even think of having to hold up the ceiling with my hands? One day you must see my hands…a lot has slipped from between them. They are so moist they could be crying…

Will Gorkhaland Become a Reality?

The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Fury

Will Gorkhaland Become a Reality?
By Farzana Versey
Counterpunch, June 19, 2008

"Indefinite shutdown" said the latest headlines and the hill region of Darjeeling becomes another political pawn.

Ten years ago when I had last visited, stepping out of the cocoon of the teakwood panelled clubby interiors of the hotel meant long walks along curvaceous streets, milky coffee from aluminium buckets on early morning visits to the snowy hills and returning to dinner that was announced with a gong and served by white-gloved bearers who whispered gentility as lace curtains reflected the candlelight.

The insulation was complete.

Little did one realise that another kind of insulation was gnawing at the entrails of the whole region. Peace is a mask Darjeeling has always worn for tourist consumption. Yak safaris provide an interesting diversion – a tourist is said to have described the animal as a buffalo wearing a petticoat. At a trade fair they had to recreate traditional houses because no one lived in those anymore. Except for their taste for meat, butter tea and home-brewed alcohol made with millet and sipped through a bamboo straw, many of the simple activities are often exaggerated exotically for vacationers. The pre-dawn sight of Mount Khang Chendongza – Kanchenjunga – the third highest peak in the world is like the tip of an iceberg touching heaven.

As the sun rises you notice the walls. Red-splattered paint that talks of a separate Gorkhaland. You sit in one of the roadside tea-stalls. Young eyes look suspiciously. Whispers are exchanged.

The blood-soaked cry has not gone away. Today it is reasserting itself with even greater vehemence. The Gorkha Janamukti Morcha president Bimal Gurung is speaking a new voice, a voice that refuses to play footsie or be content with sops. In the 1980s the government had managed to muffle opposition by co-opting the Subhas Ghising-led Gorkha National Liberation Front (GNLF) by forming the Gorkha Darjeeling Hill Council and appointing him the titular head. It was a thorny crown, but the wearer was too enamoured of its purported glitter to care. He took the scraps as long as he could rule. He let down the movement. Self-governance and limited autonomy don't work, in any case.

It is difficult to believe that Darjeeling was gifted by the Raja of Sikkim to the East India Company for "enabling servants of the government suffering from sickness to avail of its advantage". That the king could be so generous is a bit of a surprise considering that parts of Sikkim were at various times conquered by Bhutan, Nepal and Tibet. Sikkim became a part of India only in 1975.

Yet the Centre grants the state Rs 5,400 billion in aid; Darjeeling with five times the number of voters gets only Rs 100 billion.

The establishment has been playing games. The demand for a separate state was initiated during the early part of the century when the British ruled the country.

Indian democracy has often been a compromise formula; elections work as soft options. Almost every part of the country has separatist aspirations. It isn't about terrorism. This is a crisis of identity that has been building up. The neo-fascists in power refuse to understand that we have always had principalities. Independent states were ruled by independent kings and princes. The privy purses have gone but the basic seed of regionalism remains. Is that not the reason why even metropolitan cities like Mumbai have an anti-immigrant stance?

Why does Darjeeling, which is a part of West Bengal, not feel Bengali?

It is a question of selfhood. There may be cultural incest with the border areas of Bhutan, Nepal and Tibet but Darjeeling has been looking for a distinct political identity. Here a war memorial is considered a sacred place and politicians are heroes. Subhash Ghising was deified because "he made these roads". The Hill Cart Road connecting the plains to the hills was in fact built by the British in 1839.

Looking at the awesome ruggedness of the mountains one cannot help but think of Tensing Norgay, the Sherpa who conquered Everest along with Sir Edmund Hillary. A forest official had been dismissive: "The Indian government has given him too much importance. He is a Nepali."

Bhushan, our guide at the Mountaineering Institute in Darjeeling, had a different story to tell. "Once at an institute Norgay was asked his nationality. After achieving so much he felt hurt by the question. So, in anger, he replied that he was a Nepali. Why was it so difficult to accept him as an Indian? He has been one of a kind, known as a snow leopard. And his house still stands here."

The Nepalis and those from the North East were seen as outsiders though there is considerable admiration for the Pashupati border area which is packed with foreign goods.

If the Nepali initiative for smuggling is appreciated, then the Tibetans, who started making inroads in the 17th century, are not. Their refugee camp perched atop a hillock in Darjeeling is a complete village boasting of a school, college, housing and myriad self-supporting activities. It is sponsored by the Americans.

Darjeeling has been a migrant haven. While the Biharis came as sweepers, barbers, grocers and later teachers, the Marwaris came to trade from 1888 under the Raj, only too ready to express its fondness for any shopkeeper class. But due to their considerable contribution to the economy, resentment against them grew.

As one politician had told me then, "Maintaining the social balance is important. We therefore need to monitor our economic growth in a manner that guards us from a sudden impact of any kind."

The locals had found their own way towards creating harmony within. They stopped wearing traditional attire so that you could not differentiate amongst one other. Intermarriages became commonplace so even if there was simmering resentment, they kept quiet.

The Communist government of West Bengal does not take cognisance of social mores and needs. Its workers recently ransacked the homes of the dissenters and beat them up. Indian democracy will have to learn to accept that we are not a cohesive whole and unless the government provides the people with basic facilities and respects their identity, it will have to put up with such separatist aspirations.

The Leftists are happily supping with industrialists and creating havoc in villages to accommodate 'progress'. What have they done for their own people? Nothing. Except send honeymooners to chuck snowballs at each other and legally seal their fate.

The call for a Gorkhaland wakes us up to these hidden realities. However, for a mountain people they ought to know that echoes resound only in your own valley.

17.6.08

The unseen, the unseeing…

Scribbles. Unseen. Is she unseen? Or unseeing? Is what is hidden more precious? More intriguing? More palpable? More potent?

Do you think that part of her eye that is not visible will be different? The cheek, the hair? Do they even exist?

I have often been asked why I distort, that is when I don’t destroy. I see it differently. We are never quite whole. There is nothing like the full picture before us and we are not one. We carry within us halves, quarters, three-fourths, fragments, specks.

If we spread ourselves thin then our parchment skins are trampled upon…if we gather ourselves in a heap we are bundled up.

What you see are two versions: the original sketch and its worked-upon form. The yellowish tinge in the latter is to convey a sepia look that is not yet quite rusted as also the barrenness of the desert…waiting for cactus growth…searching for oases…

The unseen, the unseeing…

To Kill a Mocking Herd

Maverick: To Kill a Mocking Herd
By Farzana Versey
Covert column, June 16-30

The phone rang. I was asked for my valued opinion. Even after all these years of flinging views in the wind, I feel obliged. It becomes a quickie quote, a scratch sound on a record. All thoughts of individualism as a metaphysical phenomenon die. I am a mere lubricating agent that keeps the ‘thought industry’ well-oiled.

Should I complain? As a citizen, a consumer and a member of a family, a peer group, a community, I am anyway an institutionalised puppet. It has become even more pronounced ever since something I have lived through stands in bookstores waiting for buyers. “You are now a product,” I am told blandly.

The herd mentality has always been prevalent when an individual chooses to behave in a fashion set by a particular group, but institutionalisation is different. You don’t merely behave like the herd occasionally; you are the herd.

How can you hold up a mirror to society when sponsorship breathes down your neck? We do have a bunch of legitimised rebels who talk about sticking their necks out in literary/artistic salons called nirvana and moksha that have become trademarks themselves.

In the Big Bazaar, under the guise of buyer’s rights, consumerism is being canonised. Food malls sell organic health only because the veggies are polished with spit and wrapped in cellophane and are bone-dry.

A charitable view would be to see this mass production as egalitarianism since everything is of uniform quality. It helps in a situation where travel agencies, for example, hawk what you want. Is that really true? No. They are selling you what they want you to want. You may never dream of a chef cooking home food while you take pictures outside the Eiffel Tower, but they give it to you. They are making individuals into prisoners of familiarity. They do not want you to get out of your comfort zone because then they will have to innovate. If you stop acknowledging them, they’ll get someone else.

Strangely, in a situation that calls for so much interdependence, the individual is sidelined. George Santayana had concluded: “The working of great institutions is mainly the result of a vast mass of routine, petty malice, self interest, callousness and sheer mistake. Only a residual fraction is thought.”

Even such thought as does exist comes from a think-tank and brainstorming sessions. “Is an institution always a man’s shadow shortened in the sun, the lowest common denominator of everybody in it?” asked Randall Jarnell. There is some truth here in cases where a person becomes a public face with whom the organisation is completely identified. The projection may be that of its personality, but the tale it tells is of being part or creator of a group. The individualist becomes the brand.

The same has happened in sports. You have to reveal a bit of underwear or head-band as much as a brilliant shot. No player today, whether in a solo or team game, can afford to be without such support. In cricket negative practices like betting and match-fixing are now organised institutions. Skill is the chattel of commerce.

A similar thing is happening with film stars. From the studio setup days to the star system, it has been irony all the way. While the former was institutionalisation it resulted in some pioneering individual efforts whereas the star system that shows up glowing comets has resulted in mass produced acting and emotions. Even Shahrukh Khan as bumbling ‘unhero’ is a retailing ploy of the difference, his USP being the stutter.

Where is the experimentation? Parallel cinema today produces offbeat films that liberally borrow from Iranian, Korean or Trinidadian cinema rather than Hollywood. This is the sneakiest pulling the wool over our eyes act, marketing middle-class ennui as a ready-to-eat bheja fry.

Those who resist compromise become part of a resistance and counter culture that seeks or is offered its own pedestal. I once got a letter which said, “Why don’t you start an organisation of mavericks?” It was time to get off my high horse and wave at the stands. Now if only I could get myself that feathered derby hat.

- - -

The link to the column is showing up something else therefore have not posted it...will do so once it is rectified.

16.6.08

Can Aamir Khan play Guru Dutt?

Not impressed. Can Aamir Khan enact the role of Guru Dutt in a film to be made on the actor/director?

What was Guru Dutt about? Desire, destruction, sublimation, angst, a wry sense of humour, romance, sensuality, intellect that was more curiosity than canny knowledge; Guru Dutt was spontaneity, darkness but never stark, lightness but never froth.

Aamir Khan is a fine actor, excellent at times, and never lets you down. He is reliable.

Guru Dutt you could not rely on. He would surprise you, shock you, irritate you, want to make you tear your hair, weep with a pathos he insisted you make your own. He stood for the tragic kink that makes some people (and I vainly include myself in this category) become our own worst enemies. We need no opponents.

Aamir Khan may be insulated from the regular hype (I have my doubts about this) but he is not isolationist, not reclusive, not an outsider.

If he has any sense then he will refuse to do the film.

There is no one. Not one actor today could do justice. The closest anyone could get to it would be Ajay Devgan, but not really...

Should such a film be made? I don’t know how good Shivindra Singh Dungarpur is but his ad films for Titan were quite good. However, this is not about selling a product. You are recreating the very epitome of agony as ecstasy. You have to find someone who can smoke cigarettes with such panache that the lips sizzle; you have to find someone who can express loneliness that you only notice him; you have to find someone who can smile and melt wax; you have to find someone whose eyes look at you with indulgence and through you like a needle; you have to find someone who makes you feel special through a shaft of light.

I really do not wish to see Aamir Khan growing his moustache like Guru Dutt’s and going around with it to “feel the character” and then endorsing products with that “look”. It works for historical or other characters but not a real person who is a bigger fantasy than many fantasies.

- - -

Updated on June 17, 5.40 PM IST:

I forgot to mention one very crucial factor - voice modulation. If you have heard Guru Dutt, you will know he does not have a standard great voice, but his inflections were as good as Dilip Kumar's (and not affectations). Now listen to Aamir in various roles, whether as the villager Bhuvan in Lagaan or the suave Aakash in Dil Chahta Hai or as Mangal Pandey or any of the characters, he gets the accent right, not the voice modulation. It is almost standardised.

Have you heard a tremor in his voice? A whisper?

I have thought of another actor who could pull it off: Akshaye Khanna...mainly because of how he uses his voice, his eyes, his smile and his body language. Think Taal, think Dil Chahta Hai, think Gandhi My Father... completely different roles and you recall the characters, not the actor.

To be Guru Dutt the actor will need the courage and lack of vanity to be invisible.

I am entitled not to let anyone mess around with my fantasy, right?

Ask the vexpert - 7

Question: I am 35 years old. When having oral sex with my wife, I ejaculated on my towel. It was kept like that for two days, after which, by mistake it went into the washing machine with other clothes. We live in a joint family. Are there chances of anyone in my family getting pregnant because their undergarments were washed with my towel? What’s the lifespan of a sperm when it’s outside the body? Do sperms get destroyed when washed with detergents?

Sexpert: There’s no need to panic. The sperms were long dead even before entering the washing machine. If not the detergent, the long hours after ejaculation must have made sure that the sperms become lifeless.

Me: I am assuming you kept it unwashed for two days as a mark of respect for what you had lost. This sentimental attachment is understandable as is your concern. The experts will say that sperms have a short lifespan but if you believe in rebirth chances of your sperm having similar beliefs are likely. In which case, those sperms might be friskier than the aging ones you had extricated from your system. Will any of your family members get impregnated because their undergarments were washed with the same towel? It depends on a couple of factors:

- How many women are there in your family of child-bearing age? (I can say with some certainty that men do not get pregnant.)

- Do they wear undergarments when they are still wet? (I ask this because sun-dried sperms (like sun-dried tomatoes) tend to shrink.)

I would caution you against using a towel for such activities in future and to also not dump it in the washing machine with other clothes. This is a private matter and you are indulging in what comes close to an orgy by proxy.

15.6.08

Want to eat my sin?

I cooked yesterday. I was supposed to sauté the ingredients; I waited for them to burn. I like to see them go dark and darker and darker. Just when they are almost black, as though holding back a secret, I start adding things.

I am whimsical. I choose anything I want. Really? I just take anything that is there…at least where food is concerned. The delicacy of the potatoes that topped the mix was like something pristine. It felt like the sublime was being tarnished, rather than garnished, with vice. I took the ladle and started stirring; you can’t do this slowly, you have to be a bit rough, so I overturned everything. And there was the smoky stuff on top with just a few thin strips of tomato, now a passionate red, quite pulpy, completely enveloped by the dark specks that had burned with such deliberation.

The missi roti – excuse me, that was ordered from the take-out place, don’t push your luck – grabbed the potato covered with what looked like grime. I took a bite of sin…and did not stop.

If you are tainted once, you might as well get tainted all the way…

- - -

Most pop music is so not me, but this seems to go with what I am saying...or trying to...I especially like this part of the song:

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson


boomp3.com

Deducing reducing

This is how we reduce people…

Toilet cleaners to walk NY ramp

New Delhi: A year ago, Vimla Atwal eked a living by cleaning outdoor pits used as toilets in a village. Next month, she will sashay down a New York ramp with top Indian models.

29 other female toilet cleaners who now have other jobs thanks to a rehabilitation programme run by a local firm, will participate in a series of events by the UN to mark the International Year of Sanitation. During their stay in New York, the 30 women will present a short film on their lives as well as take part in a fashion show.

For 12 months these women have been working in other jobs. Not everyone is so lucky. So why are they participating in anything to do with sanitation? Why are they being made to regurgitate their past? I am sick of these UN-sponsored events that make a mockery of people and the hard work they put in to make a decent living.

“A year ago I was looked down upon as an outcast in my village, but now I am ready to fly in a plane and take part in a fashion show,” said Atwal.

See, this is what happens. Embroidery, making pickles and noodles are not good enough for respectability. Has the UN invited people who do chikankari, who are part of the milk co-operatives, the group that has made a success of a papad company?

And I am emphasising people. Why are only women toilet cleaners being invited? There are thousands of men who are also in this job.

This is one more gimmick.

- - -

Sikh model the new rage in US

New York: One of the key attractions at New York’s Rockefeller Centre is a life-size picture of a turban-clad young Sikh. It has the Sikh community buzzing, with messages pouring in from across the globe praising him for turning his religious identity into a fashion statement.

An ad by fashion designer Kenneth Cole solicited, “A Sikh male, about 25 to 35 years old, who is ‘attractive’” for a worldwide campaign titled ‘Non-Uniform Thinkers’ to mark the brand’s 25th anniversary, with the focus being: “We all walk in different shoes.”

Caberwal was honoured for this achievement during the fifth annual Capitol Hill Dinner organized by the US-based Sikh Council on Religion & Education (SCORE) on June 11. Sikhs from across the world are all praise for Caberwal, especially at a time when the community feels it is being increasingly racially profiled in the US post 9/11 and elsewhere in the world as it struggles to maintain its religious identity.

I agree there is racism. But is being a goddamn mute picture because you are attractive or of a certain age sending out any special message? The fashion house specified Sikh male; they wanted a bloody turban to sell their “different shoes” idea. They were using him, his religious identity.

This is simply outrageous. And to think that he is being feted for it.

We as a society have begun to believe that getting scraps from the West is enough. If they are racist, then they have to solve the issues in their heads. Let us not get carried away by these token gestures. What the hell does “non-uniform thinkers” mean here? Are fashionistas thinkers (except perhaps when they have to think about what to wear and what to team up with which pair of shoes, belts, and accessories)? And non-uniform means different, as in not one kind. So the Sikh is being put up in a cardboard form but he sure as daylight is not a part of the mainstream.

Now go hang yourselves with that long rope you have been given…

- - -

And…

Sharif wants Musharraf hanged

The crowds have been chanting this. The same crowds that voted for democracy and civil society. The same society is even listening to Nawaz Sharif and Zardari, whose histories are not quite without blemish?

Yes, hang Musharraf. But before that do something about the Constitution.

12.6.08

The tailor of Peshawar

...and the case of the measuring tape

I was going through the pictures I had taken in Pakistan and it is really funny…some of the clothes I got stitched there. The reason was that I had not expected the summers to be so hot.

One particular episode comes to mind. I had picked up these salwaar-kameez suit lengths in Peshawar. Nice lawn cloth. And not the kind of bedsheets favoured by some expat Pakistani women who go ooh-aah over gaudy floral designs by a ‘name’. Khair, I got a few delicate prints in beautiful shades of light green, turquoise and magenta. I needed them stitched urgently. They said their tailor would get it ready within a day.

I got all set to be measured – stomach pulled in, chest puffed out, ass tightened…it was the reputation of my country, right? Well, the man handed me the tape. I took it. Held it at my waist and let it fall – he took over from there, hovering near the ankle. Then I held it at the shoulder and he managed to get the length of the kameez. Finally we got to the crucial one. I wrapped the tape round my chest and to retain the modesty of the moment held it loose.

Kitna? (How much)? He asked.

Pachaas (50).”

Yeh zyaada hai…”

Haan, aisa hi hai…” Darn, if I was going to measure it as though I was going to hatch eggs in it, then it better be loose.

Same with the waist and hip sizes. I figured he would have an eye and work accordingly. Well, nothing of the sort happened. The salwaar reached the ankles even when I wore it real low and it had these immense pleats which gathered at the waist. That was not such a problem. The kameez was so large I could have happily suffered from schizophrenia and managed both of us in it. The shoulder became an off-shoulder, which would have been rather tantalising had it not been that kind of dress…and the sleeves reached my hands and I had to pull them up.

It gave me an edginess as I did my rolling the sleeve act while the kameez fluttered halfway down the road and my legs were ready for flooded streets at the height of summer.

Seasons have never mattered much…

Wounds on sand: Reit ke zakhm









Reit ke zakhm

Jab bhi reit par paaon rakhte hai
Hum usko gehra zakhm dete hai
Door se lagta hai
Jaise kisi makhmali jism par daag hai
Magar yeh ghaav naasoor nahin hote
Unke paas aakhein kahaan rone ke liye
Zubaan nahin sisakne ke liye
Reit ka aanchal jab phail jaata hai
Har chhed se aasman nazar aata hai
Majrooh ki hi nazar itni door tak ja sakti hai
Hum ne tau bas nishaan chhode
Shaayad thoda dard diya
Reit ki gehrayee ko pehchana nahin
Aandhi aayee
Sehra eik leher bankar uth gaya
Sab zakhm bhar gaye
Eik zarra kaante ki tarah ab bhi pairon mein chubh raha hai
Reit ne rihaee pa li
Ghayal hum reh gaye
Reigistan ki viraasat mil gayee
Wasiyat mein tashnagi mil gayee

~ FV

11.6.08

Why the yankees must stay away from India - huh?

So after terrorist attacks and epidemics, the United States of Xenophobia has found one more warning for its citizens visiting our shores.
This time around it’s the monsoon in Mumbai and the BMC’s handling of it that have got Uncle Sam worked up.

A warning issued on Monday and posted on the website of the US consulate in Mumbai tells its citizens that the “monsoon has arrived in western India and Mumbai is experiencing the season’s storms’’. They are also reminded of the 26/7 (2005) deluge and told that it had led to a “heavy loss of life’’.


Why don’t they just stay at home? Does any country issue warnings against visiting the US due to cyclones and earthquakes and the possibility of some Arab flying planes into its most famous sites?

They are talking about open manholes…crib, crib…

How many people die in car accidents in the US?

- - -


And now we have the pretty Omar Abdullah suggesting that the government of India and the state government should work with some insurance companies to provide a cover to those foreign tourists who visit J&K.

What about Indian tourists? He mentions “some of the high-spending foreign tourists to return to Kashmir”. Not many are; most are backpackers. And Indian tourists have been travelling for some years now.

The government must indeed take care of the economy, but then it should see to it that the locals have jobs. Not everyone owns a shikara or weaves carpets.

- - -


And while we are on Kashmir, this is what a friend from the media in Srinagar wrote to me about the Afzal Guru post below:

Wonderful piece! Am trying to gather courage to reproduce it. It may invite death sentence for me by likes of Geelani, but I will try to use.


This is a Kashmiri and he is afraid of writing about someone who thinks he will be a Kashmiri shaheed. And who is he afraid of? Another Kashmiri who thinks he is a potential shaheed. And lollypop Omar can only think about the goras and their dollahs. What a pathetic state.

Aashiyaan jal gaya – Habib Wali Mohamed

Recall a funny episode related to this song. We were driving to a village, not too far from Mumbai. I was working on a short film. The cameraman ditched, so I was also going to shoot. I was driving with the people who were involved with the project. Met them for the first time. One of them started talking about Urdu poetry; he thought I was one of those angrez ki aulad. He said he wrote poetry. And he started quoting,

“Ae naseem-e-seh’r tujhko unki qasam
Unse jaakar na kehna mera haal-e-gham”

I did not know how to react. He really thought I would not know? Habib Wali Mohamed was so much a part of our everyday life. I had to politely smile because if I said anything he would come across as foolish…and his colleague was there. Yet, I couldn’t let him get away with it. So I quoted from “Kab mera nasheman ahle chaman”. Yes, I was being wicked!

Aashiyaan jal gaya – Habib Wali Mohamed



Obama's Hanuman, Hillary's hanky, McCain's nickel

I don’t know how the US presidential candidate would have reacted to a headline like Barack Obama seeks Hanuman’s blessings in race for White House!

It is gratifying to know that it isn’t only the ‘underdeveloped’ or ‘developing’ countries that are mired in superstition. Here is a list of the luck liaisons the various Amercian candidates carry or wear and my attempt to deconstruct what they could possibly mean:

Barack Obama

The bracelet belonging to an American soldier deployed in Iraq = I support the war in Iraq and this is at least in part my version of patriotism.

Gambler’s lucky chit = Trying to convey that he will take big risks based on past wins; nothing new.

Tiny monkey god (said to be Hanuman) = Will be a loyalist to those he considers his own, believes in saving a woman’s honour and is to be trusted; would have worked better as second-in-command.

Madonna and child = Besides religious connotations, might be a moralist, and believes that the baby and bathwater are a woman’s domain. The male is only a part of an immaculate conception.

John McCain

A lucky penny = Every penny counts, so prudent in terms of wealth management.

A lucky nickel = No macro outlook; it is the economy, stupid.

A lucky sweater = Likes things to be close to him; believes in staying warm and prefers to stick to things that have already been knitted. He won’t run after wool balls.

A lucky hotel room in New Hampshire = Would visit new things and places only if there is an assurance of steadfastness and familiarity.

Hillary Clinton (tends to keep things others have given her - no, not a stained dress)

A lucky coin = heads or tails, she don’t know.

A lucky handkerchief that a woman in Texas gave to her that she sometimes keeps in her pocket = No tissues needed for those well-timed tears.

A lucky bracelet = Conveying femininity; would be hands-on but with embellishment.

9.6.08

Why is Afzal Guru rooting for Advani?

Afzal Guru is under pressure. Psychological and of some other kind. Yes, go ahead and accuse me of harbouring one more conspiracy theory. The man who has been convicted for the attack on Parliament (although he was not part of the actual act) now wants L.K.Advani to become prime minister so that he can get a death sentence in peace!

Hum kya ghaas kha rahe hai? Who the hell is fooling whom? I am no fan of the Congress party but clemency decisions are not taken with great speed – and not by the PM but the President. There are several factors that have to be taken into account. Afzal is cribbing about three years – what about the undertrials, little kids, old men, who have been arrested on fake charges (sometimes not even that courtesy was extended; they were just hauled up) who are waiting for justice for years?

“I really wish LK Advani becomes India's next prime minister as he is the only one who can take a decision and hang me. At least my pain and daily suffering would ease then.”

Yes, and what about those of us who will not be hanged? What about the possibility of India finally giving up the pretence of being a democracy, which it has been steadfastly before the early 90s? A man who watches a mosque being demolished as though he is a spectator of some epic film (he love movies, does he not?) will be in power. Give his speech at the Red Fort. What will he tell us? Does he have any manifesto other than building a temple?

“I have also requested that till the time they (government) take a decision, they shift me to a Kashmir jail.”

Why? A prison is a prison. And he has himself noted, “I only asked for pardon to stop millions of Kashmiri people hitting the streets. If I am hanged, I would take it as a sacrifice towards the people of Kashmir.”

Being in Kashmir would only exacerbate the issue and there is still time for Advani to become PM.

Now let me elaborate a bit on what I imagine are the undercurrents (how I love the word).

Afzal asks to be shifted to Kashmir. There is pressure on Ghulam Nabi Azad. Congress gets even more jittery. The National Conference which happily slept with the NDA will start making noises, like the Omar boy did when the lady Prez held a gun and smiled. NC will start preparing for an alliance with the BJP. Position on top.

Now if Afzal does get the death penalty, then he asked for it and in fact Advani was the right man to convey him towards that ‘release’.

If his mercy petition is heeded to, then it will be a coup for the saffron brigade. Look, how large-hearted we are.

Afzal will then sit in some prison and pen songs for them. He will become an example of the reformed jihadi.

Afzal is reading India wins freedom by Maulana Azad about the country's independence movement. Sweet. Ironical too. The Kashmiris would not quite get it, the Kashmiris who he is fighting for.

Human rights activists have been really pursuing his case and I personally feel this is a big blow to their work. Some of us played a lesser role, but we did raise our voices to bring to light various aspects of the case.

There is too much politics going on now, and even terrorists are learning to play it. Sad.

Afzal Guru’s son has been named Ghalib. I assume it is after the poet who said:

nuktaacheen hai gham-e-dil usako sunaaye na bane
kya bane baat jahaan baat banaaye na bane

7.6.08

The lie

The lie

I watch
One more lie unfurl
Curl
Into a little coil
Of deceit
How quiet it is
As it drones
The wings more wily
In their transparency
Here I am
Says the lie
If you can see me
It is honesty
Little does it know
That its mocking smirking self
Has been killing trust
It wants to haunt
Take flowers on a jaunt
To where it believes you have left graves
It has lived in cemeteries
Picked on bones
Like a stray
The flesh that might have been left
Sticks to its teeth
It flashes blood
Meshed with mud
Ah, there was life there
You killed it
Hid it, it says
A lie can live only by creating lies
It understands no truth
Honesty defeats it
It visits the dead
In the dead
Of night
Lights a pyre
Starts a fire
Burns the trees
And offers you that fruit
Of temptation
The last one
It thinks
For nothing must return
But itself
Embellished with the remains
Of someone else’s pains
Its own fabricated
Recreated
Vomit is food
Swallowed with relish
It stinks
Brings it to the brink
A truth pierces under the skin
The lie sneaks out
Like wile
Bile
Dribbling down the chin
It has never felt wanted
Or worthy
And when it does get a warm embrace
The scent of jasmine in the hair
Fear makes it escape
Into the safety of a net
To find more graves
Dead insects
Lies all
Still as any lie

~FV

- - -
Inspired by the couplet:

Jiski fitrat hi dasna ho

Woh to daseka mat socha kar



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