Conditional Love

Any person who plans to give away 99 per cent of his wealth to charity must be essentially nice. Warren Buffett decided, however, to sideline any financial feel-good advice he ever got and spoke about the parental ability to make a “better human being” of their children:

"The power of unconditional love. I mean, there is no power on earth like unconditional love. And I think that if you offered that to your child, I mean, you’re 90 percent of the way home. There may be days when you don’t feel like it — it’s not uncritical love; that’s a different animal — but to know you can always come back, that is huge in life. That takes you a long, long way. And I would say that every parent out there that can extend that to their child at an early age, it’s going to make for a better human being."

Sounds like a plan. Now let’s take it apart. All love is conditional; in the case of parents, the love they give is to ensure they have the right kind of kids. There may sometimes be no rationale to love someone but there is a reason. The reason makes it a condition. You like a people for who they are and what they are and why they are who and what they are.

Romantic love is entirely conditional based on need – for one’s satisfaction and to satisfy. Unrequited love too is not unconditional. Only because there is no one responding does not make it so! The conditionality is inherent in the pining, the possibility of sensual martyrdom. Besides, in no relationship there is an equal distribution of affection. There are degrees of reparation.

The knowledge that ‘you can come back’ has a lot to do with taking another for granted. And the person offering this open-house facility is not necessarily an unconditional lover, but a giver. As a consequence, the other becomes a taker. Taking is considered greedy. Why? It is love and probably more unconditional because you are accepting someone into your life and space. Does the acceptance have conditions? Sure. But the very act of being ready to take, emotions at that, is an uplifting aspect of human relationships. It is hugely gracious.

I also do not believe that unconditional love is not uncritical. By saying that one is being critical of another human being for their benefit makes it into a transaction, a tutorial. It is completely conditional on improvement of the other for the ultimate benefit of the person, but the person as s/he is when they are with you.

Of course, Little Mr. Buffett is a good human being. I don’t believe you can better that unless you have strings attached to the idea of goodness.

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